Family Retention: LGBTQIA+
By Sally Velez | DEPLOY Family Retention Fellow
As a military family, we regularly relocate. My family's move to the D.C. area two years ago impacted both my children, particularly my eldest. They were 11 at the time, just starting 7th grade, and they were, and still are, at an age where they are figuring out who they are. That year, my child came out as part of the trans community, and the 2022-2023 academic year was not kind to them. My husband and I wanted them to feel loved and supported, so we took them to the 2023 D.C. Pride Parade. While they enjoyed themself, you could still see the sadness behind their eyes; they weren't smiling.
Fast-forward one year. I had the opportunity to have my eldest child march in the 2024 D.C. Pride Parade. The experience was entirely different compared to last year. They were smiling. They were confident in themself. They were happy. This academic year was completely different from the previous year. It was a lot of work to get to where they are and even where we are as a family. My child missed half the school year and had to play catch up on their academics, but they are doing much better socially and mentally. We still have a lot of work to do to address past events, but we are well on our way to healing individually and as a family.
Military families like mine are not always lucky when it comes to support in a new area after a relocation. Our initial year and a half here was the most complex and challenging time we have faced as a family; things got so bad for my child that we pulled them out of their assigned school before the school year ended and had them complete the year virtually. Several things have changed compared to last year. We changed our child's school, which helped, but we also found our support system in friendship as a family unit. The friends we have made have been instrumental in our child's healing. We go to each other's houses on the weekends, sing karaoke, and have barbecues or a potluck dinner at least once a month. We play board games, and our children all have fun together; we have found people who accept our family unit as we are.
While we have found family friends, my eldest also found a fantastic group of friends at their new school. Yes, they have teen drama, but everyday teen things. They are not being told unkind and unthinkable things, which results in us as a family ensuring their safety plan is up to date. On a side note, their safety plan is up to date and constantly evolving because of their positive progress in recent months. Finding their group of friends at school and us as a family has helped in ways I struggle to articulate.
While we initially struggled with some people accepting our child for who they are, we are lucky to live in the D.C. area. Overall, my child is accepted. I know people who live in states where legislation is being passed that is not friendly to LGBTQ+ youth and their families. My husband and I are Texas residents, which is a state that has passed a lot of anti-LGBTQ+ legislation. Thankfully, we are from a major city in Texas that tends to be very inclusive, but we still have concerns when planning visits home to see our family. I cannot emphasize enough how having a fantastic support system makes all the difference. Even in Texas, family and friends celebrate my eldest and who they are. I cannot ask for a better support system, and I hope everyone has someone who can be what so many have become for my family. Finally, let us ensure that love continues to win.
For families that have struggled with mental health and with acceptance of having a family member or loved one within the LGBTQIA+ community, I have two resources I would like to recommend. The first is Blue Star Support Circles. While the program is geared toward family members and trusted friends of service members, the topics covered can positively assist parents with safety plans, talking about self-care and caregiving, and discussing PTSD. I was part of the program a couple of months ago, and it was beneficial for a military family that has a child who struggles with mental health. The second resource I recommend is a resource for LGBTQIA+ youth, the Trevor Project. The Trevor Project is an excellent resource that has helped my family, and I know it can be helpful to others.
We have so much to celebrate this month! Love is love, and it will always win. Happy Pride Month, everyone!